Friday 2 May 2014

Why I'm Not Difficult To Work With And How The HuffPost Isn't A Democracy.

I'm not a frequent blogger. I tend to find the mindless chatter which abounds on most journals and blogs anathema. It is as if the whole online world is afflicted by a pernicious strain of logorrhea. So it is no surprise to me that I've been rejected TWICE by The Huffington Post. Once, when in my naivete, I applied in the forlorn hope of expanding my readership. Once, when my better known and connected cousin recommended me to them. I furnished them with all the necessary details and waited....for 3 months. They simply ignored me and decided I wasn't important enough to merit an explanation. On either occasion. Now some people might think that this post is a deliberate piece of self-promotion. That I am merely hoping The HuffPost will have a change of heart and decide they'd rather have me inside the tent pissing out, as opposed to outside the tent pissing in. Not So. I now wear my rejection as a badge of distinction, in much the same way Dr.Timothy Leary and Robert Anton Wilson saw the disapproval of the US government. If the Huffington Post reject you, you most probably have the capacity for independent thought. Let me explain, The Huffington Post likes to promote itself as a bastion of liberal free thought. A free and easy place where you can blog at your leisure and express reasonable opinions in a style of your choosing. WRONG! Naughty, keep still while I whack your knuckles with this ruler. To be accepted by the Huffington post you must fit certain criteria: 1. You must be a liberal with slightly left of centre opinions. Not too left-wing, a latter day Diogenes who lives in a wine barrel and idolizes Leon Trotsky is beyond the pale. No, you must write articles about how you're heartbroken about every worthy cause going and how you nearly choked on your latte in Starbucks while reading about them. 2. You must not be too right-wing, the mere willingness to discuss immigration, religious ideology, social engineering or to take in to account somebody's gender or race makes you de facto a fascist. Please do not try to defend yourself or Somebody will end the discussion by comparing you to Hilter. 3. If you are eccentric be the right kind of eccentric e.g write whiny, needy, self-pitying articles about how much anxiety you feel about turning 30 and how you've taken to drinking  liquidized wheatgrass of a morning, in order to prolong your fucking meaningless existence. 4. If you cannot conform to any of the above criteria, BE FAMOUS. If you are as thick as the shit from an elephant's arse and are only able to sign your name with a specially sharpened crayon, The HuffPost with still oblige you, provided you were on X factor once for all of 5 minutes. These are only some of the many reasons most libertarians actually dislike, if not hate The HuffPost. They are also piss takers who are quite happy to dangle the carrot of publicity in front of people, all the while making money off the advertising on their blogs. Fuck Them and their hypocritical agenda. I'd rather be a Val Kilmer than a Miley Cyrus.